Monday, April 1, 2013


In a shocking development, prized young catcher Salvador Perez has been suspended from the team and informed that management is trying to decide whether he is part of their future, or not.

At issue are these comments by Perez, recorded by the Kansas City Star-Herald:

"Our schedule, who drew it up?   Nothing but night games, never any games off, it is hard to see how any one can squat, squat, squat day and night.  I may have to take some days off."

Management interpreted Perez's remarks to refer to this year's BARB schedule, which (unlike previous years) should be balanced, and not provide teams with periodic intervals of 4-6 straight games off, when (among other things) veterans were fond of visiting the buffet, playing 18 holes or going on fishing trips.

GM Scott Hatfield explained Perez's likely demotion this way: "Amazingly, Perez Resists Innovative League scheduling.  Fans Of Offense Love Salazar, but we can't overlook this.  This is no laughing matter."

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